Being Taken Advantage Of?

Dear Jane,

What can I do when I feel taken advantage of?

When we feel taken advantage of, we are generally describing resentment. Resentment gets a grip on us if we haven’t acted on our own behalf in some way. Often, we need to speak up for ourselves by asking for what we think we deserve. However, this is where our fear of rejection may play into things.

What if we ask for a raise or attention or affection and we’re turned down? We may “play it safe” to avoid even the possibility of rejection. The problem with avoiding rejection is that we continually imagine the rejection so we’re living with it 24/7 anyway.

The saying, “We get what we resist,” has much truth to it. If we resist feeling rejection, we will inadvertently immerse ourselves in it. If we resist asking for what we think we deserve, we will immerse ourselves in not only anticipated rejection but also resentment. There is no way out; there is only a way through—and that is to have the courage to speak up for ourselves.

Even if we are rejected for asking for what we feel we deserve, we will have the self-respect that goes with acting with integrity. No one can give us our self-respect and integrity and no one can take them from us. They are gifts to ourselves. Don’t you deserve at least that?

Jane Straus is a trusted life coach, dynamic keynote speaker, and the author of Enough Is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life. With humor and grace, Jane offers her clients and seminar participants insights and exercises to ensure that the next chapter of their lives is about thriving as the unique individuals they have always been and the extraordinary ones they are still becoming. She serves clients worldwide and invites you to visit her site, www.stopenduring.com. Here you will find excerpts from her book, more articles, TV and radio interviews, and clips from her presentations.

She is also the author of The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation, www.grammarbook.com, an award-winning online resource and workbook with easy-to-understand rules, real-world examples, and fun quizzes.

Contact Jane at Jane@JaneStraus.com.